Twins Beat the Odds and Survive Rare, Life-Threatening Condition

Twin girls are now "just doing awesome" after surviving a very frightening medical odyssey.

The Short of It

Paige and Ella Bailey survive twin to twin transfusion syndrome and are now thriving.

The Lowdown

Oklahoma couple Sally and Brandon Bailey were thrilled to be expecting twins, even though they were still healing from the loss of their first baby to miscarriage. But their excitement soon turned to worry when they learned their girls were monochorionic—identical twins who shared a placenta—and they also suffered from a rare and dangerous condition called twin to twin transfusion syndrome. That meant they shared blood vessels and were essentially conjoined—and they could die if they weren't separated in utero.

Why? Because twin to twin transfusion syndrome means one twin is donating blood to the sibling, which makes her vulnerable to anemia, have trouble producing urine and fail to grow and thrive. Meanwhile, the recipient twin suffers from polyhydramnios, where too much blood and urine floods the amniotic sac.

More from News Break: School Threatens to Punish Parents for Walking Their Kids Home

"It was pretty devastating. Everyone gets pregnant and think this is going to be beautiful. As soon as we found out that we had this condition, we knew that wasn't going to be the case," Bailey told Today.

As if that wasn't scary enough, the shell-shocked parents soon learned Paige, the recipient twin, also suffered from pulmonary stenosis and would require heart surgery after birth.

Wow.

But the first obstacle was attempting to save the girls by using lasers to separate their vessels. Bailey was preparing herself to undergo this procedure when doctors determined the girls' condition was not worsening, and they would not need surgery after all!

"It was just an absolute miracle that the girls were able to survive this without having the surgery. These girls ... fought so hard in my belly to survive," the grateful mom says.

More from News Break: Mom Memorializes Her 11 Miscarriages with Emotional Photo Series

Paige and Ella were born via C-section at 34 weeks, and while Ella was able to go home after spending two weeks in the NICU, Paige still required surgery for her heart condition.

Understandably, Bailey said, "Honestly, that was probably one of the hardest things for me to deal with, is that they couldn't be together for a really, really long time."

Unfortunately, Paige's medical odyssey was far from over. Doctors discovered she had necrotizing enterocolitis, which meant part of her intestine was dead. Following a surgery to correct that malady, her parents learned Paige had meningitis.

It's truly hard to fathom how the Baileys kept their chins up as the hits kept coming, but clearly, their positive attitude allowed them to get through their daughter's next surgery to insert a stent in her heart. And finally, after two months, she was allowed to go home.

More from News Break: Kids Born as Preemies Pose with Their NICU Photos to Inspire Hope

The Upshot

Now the twins' mom offers this uplifting update: "We're doing great. The girls are just doing awesome. Ella is goofy, funny, and active and curious. Paige is just sweet and gentle."

It's possible Paige will need more heart surgery in the future, but for now, here's hoping the Baileys can finally enjoy their time together as a family-of-four.

A GoFundMe page has been created to help the family with their medical expenses.



source: http://www.parenting.com/news-break/twins-beat-odds-and-survive-rare-life-threatening-condition

Family Has 3 Sets of Twins Who All Share the Same Birthday

Family welcomes third set of twins, who share the same birthday as their siblings.

The Short of It

What are the odds? A Wisconsin family with two sets of adopted twins just welcomed another pair into the family, and all six kids have the exact same birthday!

The Lowdown

Carrie Kosinski grew up in a big family, so the Wisconsin mom wanted to have a lot of kids of her own. "I had always wanted like 18 children," she told WITI TV. "That was my number."

More from News Break: Boy Dies While Replicating Science Experiment He Saw on YouTube

After doctors told her she'd have a hard time getting pregnant on her own; however, Kosinski and her husband Craig decided to adopt two sets of twins from the same mother.

"I was adopted," she said. "So prior to us getting married, I had talked to [Craig] about adopting because that was always on my heart."

More from News Break: Girls Honor Late Friend's Memory by Wearing Her Prom Dress

But then, with the help of doctors, Carrie DID wind up getting pregnant! She gave birth to twin daughters this past February—more than 10 weeks premature. Each weighed only 1 pound, 6 ounces, and they're still at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. And get this: their Feb. 28 birthdate is the same as the birthdays of the Kosinski's other two sets of twins.


The Upshot

Six kids, all twins, all born on the exact same day. Pretty cool, right? Can you even imagine what birthday parties are going to be like in the Kosinski house? So much fun!

More from News Break: One Good Parent Is Not Enough to Undo Harm Done by the Other

And the couple may not be done. Because their family is pretty girl-heavy, Carrie and Craig say that they wouldn't mind trying for another boy.

They better get a move on if they want another Feb. 28 baby!


source: http://www.parenting.com/news-break/family-has-3-sets-twins-who-all-share-same-birthday

Does Having Twins (or Multiples) Scare the Hell Out of You?

With our IVF cycle in September I produced 33 eggs, 14 of which fertilized to become “perfect quality” blastocysts, a.k.a. day-5 embryos. Think about that: I produced 33 follicles in a single month, when a woman normally produces ONE. 

With our IVF cycle in September, which I wrote about here, I produced 33 eggs, 14 of which fertilized to become “perfect quality” blastocysts, a.k.a. day-5 embryos (see a glossary of these terms for easy reference). Think about that: I produced 33 follicles in a single month, when a woman normally produces ONE. "Yikes" comes to mind. So does “ouch.” 

Let’s be clear about something: I have absolutely no desire to become the next Octomom or Kate Plus Eight—there’s a lot I would do for cash (ahem, like oversharing my fertility struggles in a blog), but producing multiples is not one of them.

If this were 3-4 years ago, I would’ve (naively) said, Let’s have twins! In fact, I’ll admit it now: I did say that once. But being a mom now, I know better. A lot better. That’s been a big fear of mine throughout all of this. Could we handle twins, on top of already having a toddler? Could we handle twins period? (Can we handle a toddler!!?) There’s a lot to consider when deciding how many embryos to implant. But if twins happened naturally, I’d consider it a blessing of course.

If I were five years younger, a lot less tired, less informed, less naïve, less old, less ignorant about the costs, maybe twins wouldn’t scare me so much. Two of my best friends in the world are identical twins (conceived naturally). The cutest identical twins you’ve ever seen, in fact—there should be a reality show about their cuteness. I love twins! I just don’t know if I could handle being a mother to twins right now.

One of the most important things I’ve learned since becoming a mom is knowing what I can—and can’t—handle. Parenthood pushes your boundaries, in the best ways possible, and I’ve handled a lot of things I never thought I could, but I’m still not sure about having multiples, which is something you have to consider if you’re going through IVF. The incidence of multiples is higher than if you weren’t going through fertility treatments, which is why any good fertility clinic does everything they can to control it. They don’t want you to have multiples—they want you to have one healthy baby. (I learned that when I jokingly told my doctor to make sure he implanted the "girl embryos." It was a joke!) Anyone going into this with the hopes of having multiples needs to be better informed about the possible risks and complications involved (both for mom and baby), and needs to go to a better fertility specialist.

That said, it’s a risk you’re kind of signing up for—especially if you’re going through IVF and you have more than one embryo to implant. We had to sign consent forms that specifically laid out what we were agreeing to, with all the possible scenarios. After our first transfer was canceled and it was time to schedule our second one, with frozen embryos this time, we had to not only re-sign consent forms, but also really consider how many embryos we were going to transfer. I was tempted to do two, but my doctor's advice is what ultimately changed our minds. He said with my age (37), my number of good-quality embryos (14), having no anatomical or explainable fertility problems, a thick uterine lining, good ovarian reserve, etc., there was no reason why we shouldn't expect to get pregnant with a singleton embryo. All signs pointed to us conceiving through this frozen transfer. And he also said it's what he would've advised his own daughter to do in my position. That pretty much sealed the deal.

We are very lucky that we had 14 embryos to choose from—my hope is that I have enough that I will never have to go through another egg retrieval again, which is the hardest part of the IVF process (at least it was for me). We thought long and hard about whether to transfer one or two embryos, taking into consideration what my doctor mentioned, including costs of treatments and childcare, as well as our lifestyle—let's be honest here, if we have twins that changes things for us. Not that we live an extravagant life now, but we'd need to change our lifestyle pretty drastically, including moving to the 'burbs (much more economical than city-living with a gaggle of kids). I am so not ready for that right now, especially because I don't know if I'll be going back to work full-time, which would likely mean I'd be working in the city (the commute between the suburbs and city is ba-roo-tal and not something I'd be comfortable doing while leaving little babies at home). These are all big things to consider... So with our reproductive endocrinologist’s advice, we decided to implant one embryo at this point and time. With so many good-quality frozen embryos left, this seemed like the right choice for us.

How many embryos did you, or would you implant? If you’ve chosen two or three (or more), what helped you make that decision? In some European countries it’s actually illegal for a clinic to implant more than one embryo in a woman's uterus, but in America it's common to implant two or three. There's been a lot of research and literature in the last couple of years (since the Octomom controversy) on the case for implanting one embryo versus two, and also some literature that still argues for the benefits of IVF twins. What side are you on?




source: http://www.parenting.com/blogs/trying-conceive/sarah-preston-gorenstein/does-having-twins-or-multiples-scare-hell-out-you

Brain-Dead Mother Gives Birth to Twins

Birth is usually such a joyous time, but for the family of one Michigan woman, the recent birth of her twin sons was terribly bittersweet.

Birth is usually such a joyous time, but for the family of one Michigan woman, the recent birth of her twin sons was terribly bittersweet.


At the time of the birth, 26-year-old Christine Bolden was already brain dead from two aneurysms, discovered only after she had collapsed in a parking lot, but doctors kept her on a respirator for a month to allow the babies to continue to develop, reports the Associated Press. When her blood pressure got too high, doctors delivered brothers Nicholas and Alexander Bolden via C-section at just 25 weeks gestation, and their mother was removed from life support and died. At their birth on April 5, the boys weighed less than two pounds and were just six inches long, according to WOOD-TV. They remain on ventilators at a children’s hospital.



A doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies at University of Michigan Hospital, Dr. Cosmas Vandeven, acknowledged that cases like this were a tough call from an ethical standpoint. He told the AP, "Almost every parent would give their life for their child. But you need to get truly independent opinions: Are we sure we're not causing harm to the mom?”

Danielle Bolden, Christine’s aunt, told WOOD-TV, “God coulda took her and the boys, but He left the boys. That’s a miracle.”


What do you think of this incredible and tragic tale?


source: http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/melanie-parentingcom/brain-dead-mother

Twins Need Liver Transplants; Dad Can Only Save One

Dad's liver matches, but his partial transplant can only save one of his twins

The Short of It

Johanne and Michael Wagner's adopted 3-year-old twins, Bihn and Phuoc, both need liver transplants. Their dad is a match, but his partial liver transplant can only save one of the girls.

The Lowdown

Bihn and Phuoc were born with a genetic disorder called Alagille Syndrome, which restricts bile secretion from the liver.

The Wagners adopted the girls from a Vietnamese orphanage when they were 18 months old and in very poor health. Their conditions improved greatly after moving to the United States.

"Watching them go from just skin and bone to happy little 3-year-olds ... These are normal little girls except that they're a little smaller, and they have liver disease," Michael told The Star.

But now the girls need liver transplants to survive.

Doctors determined that their father is a match and can donate a portion of his liver to one child. The family is now on a desperate quest to identify another donor to save the other twin.

Although many reports say the family will decide who gets Michael's donated liver in a few short weeks, it will be doctors who ultimately make that determination.

"We can't even burden ourselves with that. That is not for us to decide," Johanne told The Star.

Johanne has not yet taken tests to determine if she is a match. She said she is waiting to get tested until after Michael has recovered from his surgery, which typically takes about six to eight weeks. The Wagners have seven other children, and she plans to hold down the fort during the family's ordeal.

The Upshot

The twins are currently on the donor list. Joanne also started a Facebook page in an effort to find a second match for her girls.



source: http://www.parenting.com/news-break/twins-need-liver-transplants-dad-can-only-save-one

Moms of Twins Live Longer, Study Shows

New moms trying to juggle diapers and breastfeeding might think, “Thank God I didn’t have twins!” Turns out, it might bode well for a longer, healthier life if you did.

  A recent study published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B shows that moms who get two bundles of joy from the stork tend to be healthier.

Plus: The Ups And Downs of Having Multiples

Common sense would have us believe that having two babies at once would mean a pregnancy and delivery would take their toll on the mother’s body. The opposite is actually true, and moms of twins were found to be “physically exceptional.” These superwomen have longer reproductive lives, shorter recoveries postpartum, more children after their twins, and even lived longer than moms of singletons. However, there’s a big caveat: The study takes data from hardy frontier women in Utah Population Database of the 1800s, a time before fertility treatments and procedures caused the rate of multiples to skyrocket. So we’re only talking about mothers of natural twins here.

Plus: What to Ask at Your Postpartum Check-up

The evolutionary theory behind all this is that women of stronger stock adapt to pass on their genes to twice as many kids. So if you conceived twins naturally, it may be proof you really are supermom.

Moms of twins, do you think this is true? Do you see yourself as stronger and healthier than moms of singletons?

source: http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/desiree-parentingcom/moms-twins-live-longer-study-shows

The Birth of Twins & the Death of a New Mother

Birth should be—and usually is—an incredibly joyous occasion. But for one New York City couple, the recent birth of twins was terribly bittersweet.

Birth should be—and usually is—an incredibly joyous occasion. But for one New York City couple, the recent birth of their twins was terribly bittersweet, reports the NY Daily News.

Michal Lura Friedman, a 44-year-old singer-songwriter known as “Michal the Girl,” and husband Jay Snyder had finally become pregnant after seven long years of trying, using everything from herbal teas to multiple rounds of IVF. Friedman, who described herself as a “five foot nothing cupie doll with attitude, who packs a powerful voice in her tiny frame strong enough to blow your hair backwards,” had only the usual morning sickness during a fairly typical pregnancy. But, because one of the twins was breech, a C-section was scheduled for November 28th, when she was 38 weeks along. During her preop appointment at NYU Langone Medical Center on November 25th, her blood pressure was elevated, so doctors decided to admit her and do the C-section that day.

After her healthy babies, a 6-pound girl named Reverie Vivian and a 7-pound, 12-ounce boy named Jackson James were born, Friedman started to hemorrhage and despite doctors’ best efforts, died four-and-a-half hours later.

“One of the many things that is despicable about this is that she didn’t really even get a chance to hold her kids,” Snyder told the Daily News. “They held up the babies to her, she saw them and smiled at me, but she was kind of out of it from the drugs. She wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world.”

He added, “She did such an amazing job of getting there, and she doesn’t get the payoff to be the mom she was supposed to be. It feels like such a ripoff.”

At Friedman’s memorial service, her husband shared a moving eulogy, read by his uncle:

“That Michal has died, and particularly the way she died, feels incredibly cruel. Those closest to her, those who cared for her most, and supported her on her struggle toward motherhood, or simply admired her for it, have a long road ahead to letting the outrage and sorrow go. We must eventually accept that life makes no promises, as much as we might wish it would.

“But ultimately life is a blessing and it’s up to us to decide what to do with it. In her life, Michal chose to bless us with two beautiful children. Michal herself was a blessing in my life, and will continue to be through our family. I had almost ten years with a woman that redefined what it was to love and to fight for what you love. And while we all may feel cheated, I am grateful I had the chance to be her boyfriend, her husband, the guy she was most happy to see, the one who knew best how to make her happy, and experience the joy of how happy that made me. Best of all, I got to be the father of her children, and I still get to love her for the rest of my life.

“For that gift, there are no words.”

The twins came home on December 1st, and for now, Snyder and his mother-in-law are taking turns changing diapers and feeding the babies. If you want to help Reverie and Jackson Snyder, please visit thesnydertwins.com.




source: http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/melanie-parentingcom/snyder-twins

Mom Discovers Twins Have Two Different Fathers

A DNA test found that two New Jersey twins don't have the same dad. Here's how it happened.

The Short of It

Can twins have two different biological fathers? Yes, they can! That's exactly what a DNA test revealed in a recent child support case in New Jersey.

The Lowdown

It sounds impossible, but it's not. According to the New Jersey Law Journal, an unidentified mother was seeking child support from the man she assumed was the biological father to both her twin girls. But a paternity test revealed he was only dad to one of them.

How did it happen? Occasionally, a woman's ovaries will release two eggs in one cycle, as opposed to the typical one egg. Identical twins come from one fertilized egg that splits into two, but fraternal twins result if two eggs are fertilized by two different sperm.

The mom says she had sex with both the dad and another man within the course of a week. Since sperm can live inside a woman's body for up to five days, if she had sex with two different men during those five days, sperm from one guy could fertilize one egg, and sperm from the other could fertilize the other. And voilà! Twins with two different dads.

The Upshot

There aren't any stats on how common cases like these are, but there is a clinical name for it: heteropaternal superfecundation. Paternity tests on the Maury Povich have revealed several sets of twins with two different fathers.

"This is definitely one of those, 'Wow," stories," Shari Brasner, an obstetrician at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York City, told Yahoo Parenting. "Paternity isn't always contested, so there are probably scenarios in which this has happened, but nobody knows. You don't blink an eye at fraternal twins looking different after all."

The dad in the New Jersey case will be required to pay child support, but only for the twin who is biologically his daughter.

source:http://www.parenting.com/news-break/mom-discovers-twins-have-two-different-fathers

Twins Joined at Skull Share Sight, Emotions, and Sensations

"People need to see these little girls are amazing for who they are," mom says.

The Short of It

Seven-year-old twins, who are joined at the skull and brain, can see through each other's eyes, share emotions and experience the same sensations.

The Lowdown

When Felicia Hogan of Vernon, British Columbia, gave birth to twins Tatiana and Krista, she and her husband were warned the babies might not survive the day. Joined at the skull and brain, the twins defied doctors' expectations and are now thriving 7-year-olds.

Not only do the sisters walk, talk and argue with each other, Tatiana and Krista see through one another's eyes, share emotions and feel it when the other is tickled. While each has independent thoughts and control of her own limbs, both also can control one of the other's legs and arms. Doctors have not yet determined if the girls share thoughts, but the family suspects they do by the way they can share a joke without speaking.

While they live like most other little girls—going to school, watching cartoons and enjoying sweets—the Canadian twins can never be separated because of the way their brains are wired together. The conjoined sisters have two different personalities—Tatiana is the leader, while Krista is quieter—and have to work hard to get along, especially because they will be together for life.



The Upshot

The family allowed cameras into their lives to film a Channel 5 documentary to help people look beyond their appearance to see happy, fulfilled little girls.

"I still see people look at them like they are freaks, like they shouldn't be here," their mom, Felicia, said. "People need to see these little girls are amazing for who they are."



source: http://www.parenting.com/news-break/twins-joined-skull-share-sight-emotions-and-sensations

Mom Shares Important Crib Safety Warning with Parents of Twins

"When baby proofing, I never in a million years would have seen this as a potential danger," mom says.

The Short of It

An Arizona mom's twin crib safety warning goes viral on Facebook.

The Lowdown

When Alison Johnson posted a recent horrifying experience that could have cost her son his life, she likely never expected it be shared more than 50,000 times.

In the now viral warning, she shared a photo of the configuration of her twins' cribs along with the sobering tale of what happened:

"I have a lot of friends that have twins or kids close in age that may have a similar set up, so I wanted to share something VERY scary that happened today. This morning I put Caleb down for his nap. Shortly after he started to cry. After a few minutes, I went in to check on him. He had climbed out of his crib and was stuck between his crib and Libby's crib. His body fit through, but his head wouldn't. He was using every ounce of energy he had to hold himself up by his little arms. If they had given out, he would've just been hanging there by his head."

More from News Break: Newlyweds Expecting Identical Quadruplets—Without Fertility Drug Help

She continued:

"What's even more scary is that like many moms, I generally use nap time as an opportunity to shower. Had I done that today and checked on him after five minutes, he would have literally hung himself. When baby proofing, I never in a million years would have seen this as a potential danger. Please consider sharing this post in case someone you know may have a similar set up."



The mom added she was "still totally shook up over" what happened and, understandably, would never get the image of her son stuck in between the cribs out of her mind.

The Upshot

Crib safety and all other baby proofing measures are always on parents' minds. But it's impossible for us to think of every, single thing that could ever go wrong. And the thing is, hindsight is 20/20. I know I've looked at certain situations and thought, "How could I not see this would happen?"

For instance, one time my toddler pulled a heavy iron fireplace screen down on top of her. Once she did it, I couldn't believe I hadn't considered the danger. But she'd never even touched it or gone over to that area of the house before! Luckily, she was okay, but it was a very scary moment to look over and see her trapped under that screen, screaming.



With my own experience in mind, I want to thank Alison for sharing this warning. Even if it saves one life, it was totally worth it for her to open herself up to criticism to post about what happened to her.



source: http://www.parenting.com/news-break/mom-shares-important-crib-safety-warning-parents-twins

Ultrasound Photo Shows Dying Twin Holding Sister's Hand

The family of a twin with birth defects is comforted by an ultrasound photo of him with his sister.

The Short of It

A dying twin is holding his sister's hand in utero in an amazing ultrasound image.

The Lowdown

Brittani and Ian McIntire recently learned they were expecting twins, whom they named Mason and Madilyn. But their joy soon turned to sorrow when they found out their baby boy has a hole in his heart and an abnormal brain, and he's not expected to live past birth.

"He's only weighing 9 ounces, and his sister is over 2 pounds," Brittani told KWCH12 in Wichita.

The blow of this devastating news was slightly cushioned by a remarkable thing the McIntires noticed in the twins' ultrasound photo: They appear to be holding hands. In the image, you can actually see Mason's much smaller hand wrapped around Madilyn's finger.

"We know we have a piece of them together that will last forever... and it's special to have," Ian said. Brittani adds, "It's just nice with everything going on... I know I'm holding him; I'm carrying him, but I just want to be there for him. She's the only one who can actually be there and is holding onto him... so it's comforting to know that if he does pass, he won't be alone."

The Upshot

I can't imagine what the McIntires are going through, but I truly believe these babies have a connection, even in the womb. Here's hoping that thought and this extremely rare and beautiful image will comfort them in the coming weeks and months.






source: http://www.parenting.com/news-break/ultrasound-photo-shows-dying-twin-holding-sisters-hand

Selective Reduction: "I Didn't Want Twins"

[WARNING: The Elle article in question may be too graphic for some readers.]

In an article in Elle, Bettina Paige candidly shares her story of deciding to abort one fetus after discovering she is pregnant with twins via fertility treatments. She's brutally honest about the guilty feelings surrounding her decision, admitting that maybe it was "more accurate to say that we didn't want to handle twins, rather than we couldn't."

Selective reduction refers to the abortion of one or more fetuses in a multiple pregnancy. Sometimes pregnant women have a reduction for medical reasons; Paige reports that reducing from three babies to two may improve the chances for healthy babies and lessen the chance of premature births and other complications. In this case, however, Paige reduced for personal reasons. With a three-year-old at home, and money already tight, she felt she could not handle twins.



[WARNING: The Elle article in question may be too graphic for some readers.]

In an article in Elle, Bettina Paige candidly shares her story of deciding to abort one fetus after discovering she is pregnant with twins via fertility treatments. She's brutally honest about the guilty feelings surrounding her decision, admitting that maybe it was "more accurate to say that we didn't want to handle twins, rather than we couldn't."

Selective reduction refers to the abortion of one or more fetuses in a multiple pregnancy. Sometimes pregnant women have a reduction for medical reasons; Paige reports that reducing from three babies to two may improve the chances for healthy babies and lessen the chance of premature births and other complications. In this case, however, Paige reduced for personal reasons. With a three-year-old at home, and money already tight, she felt she could not handle twins.

"I knew that we didn't have the energy, the patience, or the fortitude to juggle two infants in addition to our son. As it was, I sometimes felt like a superhero, and my husband and I fought over sharing the responsibilities of one child. Even in the best of times we struggled not to bark out demands and to keep from seeing the other as the enemy. But struggle we did, because the life we'd made -- our marriage, our community of friends, and especially our son -- seemed worth the effort. I seriously doubted that this fragile equilibrium could withstand the stress of three young children. And as much as I wished the situation were different, it wasn't. I know it sounds selfish, but I wanted to protect the well-being of the people already in my life -- my son, my husband, and, yes, myself."
Her doctor told her not to tell anybody, since even people who are pro-choice aren't necessarily sympathetic, viewing selective reduction as a whole different matter. However, she decided to write about her experience in a national magazine.

Read Page's story, and tell us what you think. What would you do if you discovered you were pregnant with more kids than you reasonably thought you could handle?



source: http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/lauren-parentingcom/selective-reduction-i-didnt-want-twins

Bringing Up Babies

Doing double, or triple, duty? Two moms of twins share their tried-and-true strategies for surviving and enjoying—yes, enjoying!—life with multiples. Here, eight ways to get started

1: Everyday basics

A lot of day-to-day multiple management is trial and error—and we made our fair share of mistakes before figuring out what worked for us. Check out a few of the logistical solutions that made our lives easier:

* When our babies had enough neck control, we simultaneously bottle-fed them while they were propped up on pillows side by side to save time. You can also plop them in their car seat buckets and do the same thing.

* We used propping tools to help hold bottles in place (yeah, we know it's "wrong"). Cathleen bought a great hands-free baby-bottle holder—the Milk Maid ($15)—that she heard of through the mommy grapevine. We recommend buying one for each baby.

* We kept plastic bottles from taking over our kitchens by immediately hand-washing them. At the end of the day, we'd refill them and load up the fridge for the next day. No can do? Don't feel guilty about running the dishwasher day and night.

* Once we started the twins on solid foods, we placed two high chairs right next to each other and sat on a chair in front of the babies to spoon-feed them their mush. (Watch out for the cross-tray grab once Cheerios are introduced!) You can also use infant feeding seats, a space-and money-saving alternative to high chairs.

* We were sticklers for safety when changing diapers. If one twin pooped, we put the other one in the crib with toys until the changing was done. (We kept the lights on so she knew it wasn't bedtime, and we took the toys back out of the crib for sleepytime.)

* We kept two well-stocked diaper-changing stations—one upstairs and one downstairs—filled with fresh clothes and burpies.

* We're still trying to master the art of bathing twins. When ours were infants, separate baths were more manageable. As they got sturdier, one giant pool party with seats in the tub worked. Once they outgrew the seats, they had the freedom to splash... and get us completely soaked.

* We faced up to the fact that two babies generate a huge amount of laundry. If we didn't wash it every day, the dirty piles of clothes, sheets, and burpies would haunt us. There were plenty of other things to let slide around the house—cleaning, cooking—but not this chore. We didn't bother with folding, though; we'd just rifle through the clean wash basket and pick out the stuff we needed.

Christina Boyle and Cathleen Stahl are cowriting a book about twins, to be published by Three Rivers Press in spring 2008, as well as a blog, TwinSetMoms.com.

2: Breastfeeding—What worked for us

Oodles of moms of multiples don't breastfeed at all, and that's nothing to feel guilty about. But since we had positive experiences nursing our older kids, we wanted to try breastfeeding our twins, too. Despite our best efforts, we had mixed results with our multiples. Here's what did work for us:

Supplementing with formula. Surprisingly, both of our ob's and pediatricians encouraged us to alternate nursing with bottle-feeding formula or to top off just-nursed babies with a formula bottle. They suggested that supplementing would be less physically taxing on us, plus we wouldn't be worrying that our babies weren't nourished.

Getting help. Our docs also said that if we wanted to avoid mommy meltdowns those first 12 weeks, we needed to have feeding assistants who could hand us pillows for propping nursed babies or hold babies for bottle feedings. That's where our friends and family came in handy.

Trying different holds. Sometimes we nursed our twins simultaneously, using the popular double-clutch (latch babies one at a time with the football hold, tucking their legs in close under your elbow, pointing toward your back) or cross-cradle positions (latch babies one at a time with a cradle hold, keeping their heads apart and their legs and feet crisscrossed). Other times, when no one was around to help with the latching and pillow propping, we nursed one twin at a time, usually while the other one was screaming. While nursing, we tried to comfort the crying twin by singing and rubbing his feet.

Becoming scheduling junkies. We thought we were type A before we had twins. Ha! We were both so overwhelmed by our double bundles, and dealing with their older siblings, that we had to create some sense of order in our topsy-turvy lives. Our twins' feeding and sleeping routines had to be superstrict in order for us to stay sane. This meant we sometimes had to leave the park before older siblings were ready or stay home when they were dying to go out, so that we could nurse according to schedule.

Making the pump our friend. Christina stopped nursing after a couple of weeks and bought a souped-up double pump that she used every four hours, even in the middle of the night, to keep the breast milk flowing. She mixed her milk with formula and fed it to the twins in bottles.

Being prepared. Before we fed the twins, we'd ask our bigger kids if they needed anything, so feedings wouldn't be interrupted by coloring-book requests. We also made sure we always had a safe place to rest the babies if we needed to put one down while we relatched or burped the other.

3: Finding other moms who get it

Trust us, you need to protect your sanity by having at least one pal who gets what it's like to have two or more babies at once. Here's how to find one:

* Join a mothers-of-multiples club. The National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, Inc. is the best-known resource.

* Call nearby kiddie gyms and baby classes. Ask which activities are frequented by moms of multiples.

* Connect with patients of your pediatrician or ob. Post a playgroup sign-up in their waiting rooms.

4: Get-some-sleep secrets

* When our twins were congested, they napped upright (for better nasal drainage and breathing) in their car seats.

* We recognized their individual sleep styles. One twin preferred to be tightly swaddled in a Moses basket, while the other sprawled out in the bassinet.

* They stayed in the same room even when one was screaming. They had to get used to the noise. Neither of us lives in a mansion, you know.

* We ignored our prejudice against pacifiers and introduced them to our twins early on. Since then, the American Academy of Pediatrics announced that pacifiers have a protective effect against SIDS—yay!

* We used the vibrate function on their bouncy seats and portable cribs to lull them to sleep. (We bought batteries in bulk.)

* We stuck to their eat, play, and sleep routines. The schedule afforded the babies some stability—they knew what to expect and so did we. As a bonus, it was easier to have relief come in and follow the routine.

5: How to get the help you need

We weren't the kind of gals who took people up on favors—until we had twins. Now's the time to say yes to help. Professional childcare is expensive, and since we spent a small fortune on baby gear, we had to get creative about who could help us and how they could best contribute. Here's where we found our backup:

Our husbands. Our guys tried to stay out of our way because we were like crazy mother cyclones whirling through the house. It was easy to get pissed at them for not offering to help, until we realized that they were just looking for direction. We determined their strengths—running errands for us, assembling cribs and toys, answering phone calls and e-mails about the babies, bathing them and preparing simple meals—and delegated tasks to them.

Our parents. Our moms and dads couldn't have been more delighted about our twins, but they weren't excited to do our laundry or mop our floors. We soon realized that sitting and folding clothes could be relaxing (with the right show on the tube), so we let our moms do the things they wanted to do, like change diapers and hold and feed babies. Our dads sang Irish ditties and told bar jokes to calm the screaming infants.

Our siblings. Christina's sister, who was expecting her second child at the time, visited once a day for the first three months, glad to refresh her feeding, burping, and diapering skills. And Cathleen's brothers set up kiddie-pool water slides and played backyard baseball with her two older boys while she fed the babies and focused on postpartum recovery.

Our neighborhoods. Christina's neighborhood is famous for passing around a sign-up sheet to make any new mom on the block a family dinner. Each night for a whole month, a different neighbor prepared a meal for her brood! (If you haven't delivered yet, perhaps you could start this tradition for another new mom in the hood so that you can benefit when your turn comes.)

Our gift givers. If we were given a baby gift in person, we were bold enough to ask for a pass on writing the thank-you note. We'd always hear a big "of course!" in reply. Better still, if you're creating a wish list for a baby shower, ask that one of your gifts be a reprieve from penning thank-you cards.

6: Your postpartum recovery

Any multiple pregnancy means a greater load on your maternal system than when you're carrying one baby. Accordingly, your ability to bounce back from a vaginal, c-section, or combo delivery may take longer than you'd like. Here's a recovery road map from a veteran nurse practitioner, Carolyn McKay, who works in a high-risk obstetrical practice in Stamford, Connecticut:

Talk to your doctor about a birth plan. Consider: Half of all twin deliveries are c-section. C-section recovery means limitations on lifting your babies, driving, and climbing stairs. Prepare for the possibility that you may have a cesarian and line up immediate postbirth help. Someone needs to be around those first few weeks because you won't be yourself. Cathleen experienced the combo platter—Baby A was a vaginal delivery and Baby B was an emergency C-section. Thankfully, predelivery discussions laid the groundwork for such a possibility, so shock was not added to the list of things to recover from.

Manage your expectations. Ease your postpartum recovery process by cutting yourself some slack. Your uterus might take a while to shrink back to size, and your jeans might stay folded neatly in the closet for a while, but you will get there. Don't add the pressure of self-criticism to the mix.

Pay attention to lingering problems. The strain of carrying twins can have lasting effects on your body. If you are still chronically fatigued by your postpartum checkup, make sure you discuss the possibility of anemia with your doctor. If you're experiencing urinary incontinence six months after delivery, visit a specialist for evaluation.

Take heart. It's so difficult to give individual time to each infant. Truly, you are full of love for these little babes, but your body—and your psyche—are exhausted from the twin pregnancy and birth. This sense of doubting your ability as a mother, as well as hormonal fluctuations, can contribute to baby blues. If the rest of your body doesn't catch up to the enthusiasm in your heart and you have symptoms like insomnia, anxiety, confusion and chronic crying, get professional help.

7: Preemie pointers

We were both lucky enough to carry our twins full term (just past 38 weeks) and bring them home from the hospital a couple of days after they were born. But so many parents of twins end up spending some time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Experts say that 60 percent of twins are born prematurely, and 90 percent of triplets are. Preemies are at higher risk for respiratory and intestinal problems. We talked to Elizabeth S. Klein, the vice president of the Tiny Miracles Foundation, Inc. (ttmf.org), a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families with premature babies.

* Insist that your twins spend time together in an incubator. Hold them together, if possible. Twin-to-twin contact helps them survive.

* Get two bonding Ookie Dolls ($16 each). Both Mom and Dad should sleep with them for a night so they can retain your scents. Leave them in the NICU for baby to learn how you smell vs. how their hospital caretakers do.

* Don't answer your phone. Use carepages.com to create a website to explain what's going on with your children, or do email blasts.

* Become a NICU expert. Educate yourself through preemie support groups and websites like preemie-L.org and MarchofDimes.com.

* Try not to compare your babies' progress. They will not develop at the same pace, and they will have their own medical issues.

* Divide and conquer. If you're at the hospital, your husband goes to work or cares for kids at home, and vice versa. This way the babies get more parental time.

* Ask the NICU nurses to stagger your babies' schedules so you can give each twin equal time doing as much as the nurses will allow you to do.

8: Twin truths

Guilt is a constant. You're pulled in two directions trying to meet the demands of your two babies. It's hard not to feel bad when you're tending to one before the other.

You learn to lower the bar. We let some things slide, like allowing the older kids to watch TV during breakfast while we dressed the twins. Or we gave the twins cookies at 6 a.m. so we could empty the dishwasher without them crawling into it.

You feel like you're on display. When we take our multiples out in public, we can end up feeling like a sideshow circus attraction. Sometimes the attention is lovely, but when we have 100 things to do between meals and naps and preschool pickups, we have no time to waste. Sorry! We will be more polite when our kids are in college.

Twins are a financial drain. Because we had to buy additional car seats, bigger cars, and other stuff for the babies, we had very little cash left to spend on ourselves.

Twins aren't always best friends... Seeing one twin bite or hit the other is common—and upsetting. It makes you think you'll always have to protect the less aggressive one. And then you get ticked at yourself for labeling them.

...but the bond between them is undeniable. It's remarkable to watch your babies communicate, sometimes in their own language; defend each other; and be the only ones to consistently laugh at each other's jokes. Even twins who look nothing alike or are different genders can foster a uniquely strong relationship that will last a lifetime.



source: http://www.parenting.com/article/bringing-up-babies